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spacer humor > > > Airplane maintenance


Subject: airplane maintenance

----- Begin Included Message -----

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, 
which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered 
with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or 
correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, 
and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form
what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the 
gripe sheets before the next flight. 

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers 
lack a sense of humor!

Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and 
problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution 
recorded by maintenance engineers.

(P = the problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = the solution and action taken by the engineers.)

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet 
per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and 
be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. 
Sounds like a midget pounding on something 
with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

----- End Included Message -----

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