Subject: Technical Vernacular
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To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the experiences
of Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic strip character. "I've been dilberted
again. The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week."
The process by which links on a web page became as obsolete as the sites
they're connected to change location or die.
A badly written or profoundly useless Java applet. "I just wasted 30
minutes downloading this stinkin' crapplet!"
A new hire who doesn't need any training. "The new guy, John, is great.
He's totally plug-and-play."
World Wide Wait
The real meaning of WWW.
A hard-core CGI script programmer with all the social skills and
charisma of a plastic action figure.
Feelings of emptiness and dissatisfaction triggered by addictive
substances that lack nutritional content. "I just spent six hours
surfing the Web, and now I've got a bad case of Dorito Syndrome."
Under Mouse Arrest
Getting busted for violating an online service's rule of conduct.
"Sorry I couldn't get back to you. AOL put me under mouse arrest."
Corporate-speak for sleeping with your eyes open. A popular pastime at
conferences and early-morning meetings. "Didn't he notice that half the
room was glazing by the second session?"
Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web message "404, URL Not
Found," meaning that the document you've tried to access can't be
located. "Don't bother asking him...he's 404, man."
Dead Tree Edition
The paper version of a publication available in both paper and
electronic forms, as in: "The dead tree edition of the San Francisco Chronicle..."
Scanning the net, databases, print media, or research papers looking for
the mention of your name.
The place you go while you're staring at a computer that's processing
something very slowly (while you watch the gray bar creep across the
screen). "I was in graybar land for what seemed like hours, thanks to
that CAD rendering."
People who work at home or telecommute.
Squirt The Bird
To transmit a signal up to a satellite. "Crew and talent are
ready...what time do we squirt the bird?"
A World Wide Web Site that hasn't been updated for a long time. A dead
The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on computer keyboards.
"Are there any other terminals I can use? This one has a bad case of keyboard
The peak year of something's popularity. "Barney the dinosaur's Elvis
year was 1993."
The most knowledgable, technically proficient person in an office or
work group. "Ask Larry, he's the alpha geek around here."
The rarified organizational layers beginning just above the rack and
file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly
inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
People who are taking training classes just to get a vacation from their
jobs. "We had about three serious students in the class; the rest were
Blowing Your Buffer
Losing one's train of thought. Occurs when the person you are speaking
with won't let you get a word in edgewise or has just said something so
astonishing that your train gets derailed. "Damn, I just blew my
Older, experienced business people hired by young entrepreneurial firms
looking to appear more reputable and established.
To take note of a person for future reference (a metaphor borrowed from
web browsers). "I bookmarked him after seeing his cool demo at
The brief seizure people sometimes suffer when their beepers go off,
especially in vibrator mode. Characterized by physical spasms, goofy
facial expressions, and stopping speech in mid-sentence.
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get
screwed in the end.
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